Posts Tagged ‘Fashion’

The wife is no stranger to exercise. Somewhat controversially, she now concentrates solely on working her liver; I can see the logic though, it’s occasionally her second largest internal organ.

If the Government told the wife that she could only purchase her beloved Buckfast during January, she would quite rightly revolt; which admittedly, is not a major deviation from the norm.

I find it incredible that Premiership managers are handicapped in such a fashion. It’s almost impossible to do any business in such a small window, although I did manage it once in Amsterdam.

Paradoxically, Martin O’Neill’s transactions have been exceptional. He somehow managed to entice the classy John Carew, and all it cost him was a dud Czech. The Villa are bouncing, they’ll see off the Hammers at 10/11.

A little known FIFA clause allows Frank Lampard to leave Chelsea for a relatively paltry £8m. Frank may have his knockers, but that seems a fair price to me. The champions have too much up top for a struggling Charlton; get on at a well developed 2/5.

Sheffield United win the award for the most surprising transfer. You could have knocked me over with a feather when news broke that they had signed Fathi; who knew that they had a spare £8m. The Blades haven’t won in Blackburn for 20 years; the Rovers are the weekend nap at an ample 8/11.

I believe the children are the future, unless we crack down hard on them now. The appointment of Stuart Pearce to the England Under-21 setup has been met with consternation by the Manchester City board; Reading can take full advantage at 12/5.

Mohammed Al Fayed can’t believe that Reading are above Fulham in the table; he thinks it’s a Royal conspiracy. The Cottagers will triumph over Newcastle at a clandestine 13/10.

Paul Jewell must be sick of the sight of Harry Redknapp; and not just because of the annoying twitch. Wigan have already lost twice to Portsmouth this season, a Pompey treble is in the bag at a knee-jerk 13/8.

I am extremely disappointed with Lua Lua. It wasn’t the fact that he was arrested for an alleged domestic disturbance; I feel let down because he didn’t do a double back flip after striking. I’m doing somersaults about the 7/1 for a 1-0 win to Portsmouth.

Jesus is more than handy with a loaf of bread and a piece of cod, but even He would struggle to keep Watford in the Premiership. Prayers do occasionally get answered though, thank you Al Bangura. Get on Bolton to beat Watford at a sacrilicious 5/4.

Liverpool host neighbours Everton in a tantalising Merseyside derby. The Toffeemen haven’t won at Anfield this millennium; it’ll be the Liverpool fans bragging in the benefit office on Monday morning. The Reds are a steal at 8/13.

Cesc Fabregas is a little magician. As long as he avoids Debbie McGee he’s got a decent future in the game. The 4/5 for an Arsenal win over Middlesbrough is spellbinding.

Tottenham are like Paul McCartney on his wedding night, they have to get over an extremely disappointing second leg. Man U will overwhelm the deflated Spurs at 5/6.

Wayne Rooney has been labeled a tubby Eric Cantona, and there’s more than an element of truth in such a comparison. The next big thing can net the opener at 6/1.

Ever since the departure of Cantona (and to a lesser degree Sheringham), United have struggled for a quality player in the hole. I believe Rooney will prove to be the missing link. I’m going ape about United scoring three or more goals at 11/4.

This week’s accer is so alluring, it reminds me of the wife’s sister; but i’ll get into that later. Liverpool, Aston Villa, Blackburn and Reading are the selections, the payout is a feisty 16/1.

Vanity and grooming are traditionally female concerns but you don’t have to look very hard these days to see that men are taking a lot more care of their appearance. These modern men are now spending more money on grooming and procedures than ever before. Plastic surgeons are reporting a significant increase in the number of men opting for facial surgery and liposuction, and new figures have shown a 30% rise in the number of males paying for botox treatments.

Hair removal is another traditionally female concern that is now seeing its fair share of male interest. Hair has historically been seen as a sign of manhood but it is now socially acceptable for heterosexual men to appear silky smooth and to pay attention to areas that were previously left for nature to take care of. The majority of men depicted in magazines are unnaturally smooth with little or no sign of hair what-so-ever, and it seems that this has become the blueprint for the modern man. Facial hair is still accepted however, but only in the form of perfectly manicured designer stubble.

So are these immaculately groomed perfumed, smooth-skinned men with teeth whitened and big hair they’ve clearly spent a long time sculpting real men? Is this really the sort of behaviour we should be encouraging, where your boyfriend borrows your hair straighteners and spends longer getting ready than you do? Whatever happened to having a wash with soap and shampoo, chucking on a pair of jeans, some shoes and a shirt, slapping some gel in your hair, a quick spray of deodorant and Bob’s your uncle? These days it’s all soothing body wash, scruffing lotion, aftershave balm and sculpting body hair goo, not to mention the moisturising, blowdrying and whatever else goes on. It’s a wonder these fellas have got time to go out at all.

Perhaps men have always aspired to look like the model men they see in glossy publications and on the big screen, in the same way that women have. In recent years we’ve certainly seen less of the alpha male characters who previously represented male role models – Arny, Sly, Bruce, Mel, Jean Claude etc. These rough, tough characters have been replaced by smooth talking, no-action skinny pretty boys like Orlando Bloom, Ashton Kutcher, Leo Di Caprio and Brad Pitt. Sport has also gone the same way, the tough tackling football hardmen of the 70s, 80s and 90s like Graeme Souness and Vinny Jones have been replaced by effeminate young men like David Beckham, Christiano Ronaldo and Cesc Fabregas who, it’s reported, recently paid around £3000 for an all-over body wax. Even rugby, once the domain for only the manliest of men, has been infiltrated by some of these young, immaculately coiffured ‘metrosexuals’ such as Charlotte Church’s husband Gavin Henson, and the new darling of English Rugby Danny Cipriani.

You may have sensed from this article that I’m not exactly comfortable with this new wave of male vanity, and you’d be right. I just feel that a man should be a man and a woman should be a woman, and the point at which these two distinct roles cross over only leads to confusion. So come on guys, put down those hair straighteners, throw your waxing strips in the bin, give your sister her tweezers back, and get down the pub to watch the football.